The Tale of How Queendom Came About

so, y’all know that human film, Inception?
well, that’s pretty much how Queendom came about.

here’s the story, perk your ears;

there was this girl, Liz, who was a human in her then current Cosmic Situation.
she went by her day, as we do.
she ticked off her human achievements – get born, be chill for 7 years, start a grab towards knowledge but with no formulated plan, get confused…

BEWILDERED.

that’s right – Liz was confused as fuck & she didn’t know whichwhatway.

thoughts were thought.
& thoughts became more thoughts.

&… then…

thoughts turned into Dreams.

Liz started building a world in her Mind.

[the Mind is a Transcendental Tool]

Landscapes started shaping – rolling hills of green, littered with flowers, colourful as sin & tall trees creaking with ancient wisdom.

all of a sudden there were footpaths on which horse-driven coaches delivered their guests unto valleys containing waterfalls, caves, streams & ample Mythological Life.

the Inhabitants of Queendom hailed themselves Euphorians, for indeed!
it was true –
Queendom was a place of happiness, unending!

then, of course, there was the mystical, glorious & ever so majestic Castle.

the Castle is a sight to behold –
several pointed towers beam through pale clouds in a still grasp towards the sky,
windows, slim & tinted with a colour like wine, act like eyes, knowing.
the grounds are green & filled with jest & extravagant winged creatures flying by & by.
then, there’s a room, oh so luxurious, where a Queen spends her time overlooking a Paradise, glowing.

make no mistake – every Euphorian living & serving [Serving Others Ensures A Humble Life] in Queendom lives in blissful luxury.
so, thus, the Castle contains many many many a room for Euphorians to exist peacefully & without disturbance.
HOWEVER, should a Euphorian feel so inclined to NOT stay in the Castle, they are toootally welcome as well.
that’s why there are a whole couple of villages within The Woods of Queendom.
each village has a tribe leader kinda guy/girl & Queen trusts them to manage themselves without her worrying too much about them.

i mean, that’s exactly how Queendom WORKS.
everyone functions on the knowledge that every single Euphorian is capable of looking after themselves.
it’s only when people are incapable of looking after themselves that things fuck out.
like, say, don’t operate machinery when you’re intoxicated – it’s fairly obvious.
don’t do it.
&, in Queendom, the Euphorians GET that.

that’s one of the reasons coaches are employed – 1. not to die in a car crash & 2. because it’s much more scenic & chill taking a coach & ultimately, 3. because horses are pretty cool.

there are, however, always a couple of crapheads who have it in their will to contaminate Queendom.
these Ignorant Folk are always captured & promptly hauled away to a place called Ochre Crescent.

Ochre Crescent is a town built in the crater of The Comet That Nearly Fucked Queendom Sideways.
[i’m speaking in metaphors here, people – see if you can figure it out ;]]
so, yes, it’s pretty logical to build a place of complete & utter banishment IN the cause of a previous eff-up.
#seewhatididthere [via @belindametb]

Ignorant Folk are humans & lower lifeforms who are UNAWARE OF THEIR COSMIC SITUATION & CHOOSE TO ENGAGE IN ANIMALISTIC/DEMONIC ACTIVITIES.
that kinda shit won’t fly in Queendom, so, they get banished.

& Queen won’t bat an eyelid because, honestly, she’s doing her life right now – she really can’t worry her little noggin about folks doing retarded things.

so, ja, that’s how Queendom was found.
Liz touches back on earth as a human from time to time but she sends her regards as she’s perfectly content in Queendom with the Euphorians.

& she loves you & you & you.
x

The Tale of The Oh So Mysterious @SVRPRWN

Brian Eno provides the soundtrack for This Inscription.
The Queen is feeling Ambience more than anything these past Few Days.
perhaps this is because she’s really at peace within Her Soul.
being happy Soul-Wise is very NB! because otherwise… you’re just a physical body.
& that’s exactly what you are when you’re dead.
that’s super sucky.
SO, basically, this album makes The Queen feel calm&collected in a Grimm Brothers Fairytale Kinda Way.

it’s a bit eerie… i reckon it’s one of Eno’s darker Albums.
said Album’s Title is The Shutov Assembly.
it’s effing good.

The Queen is merciful to her Loyal Euphorians – she relieves them from mediocrity by sharing Her Taste In SoundWavez.
please, Euphorians, do not be fooled by that human south african channel, mk [note, lower case], for it is QUITE shit.

NOW! let’s get down to matters at this Tea&Cake meeting, This Afternoon:

The Tale of The Oh So Mysterious @SVRPRWN.

who is @SVRPRWN?
no one knows – not even Alleged Acquaintances.
Ooooooooh Severe!

Once Upon A Time, an anon logged onto THE WEBBERNET.
more importantly, however, this anon Signed Up with The Largest Chatroom in The World.
Twitter.
this anon was @SVRPRWN – initially displaying a “profile pic” of some sturdy lookin’ fellow.
this “profile pic” was replaced by the one we all know & love.
or should i say “<3”.

see, this is what we DO know about @SVRPRWN:
he/she/it is exactly that – a hermz in cyberspace w/ 1 bewb 2 provz it.
@SVRPRWN speaks a cyber language that is “mad kiffz” & characterised by the frequent usage of “z’s” & cutting words short.

this is actually very intelligent because whilst some Tweeps might get aggro because of the Vandalising Of Language, the joke’s really on them:
you rarely have enough characters to say exactly what you want, right?
right.
@SVRPRWN has, thus, transcended Twitter by flipping the 140 Character Maximum the proverbial bird.

another factor which gives @SVRPRWN hermz’s [a pronoun used for hermz especially, in Queendom] Edge is hermz’s speaking to celebs [note, lower case] like their hermz’s bud.
this, of course, is not an act & @SVRPRWN is actually BFFs with most of them anyway.
@SVRPRWN humours hermz’s fans by giving them a glimpse of the VIP life.
it’s quite amazeballs & such.
a very Gracious Soul, this Euphorian @SVRPRWN.

The Queen is also very impressed by this Euphorian’s Taste In Chillwayvez.
the kind of Chillwayvez an entity listens to can convey a lot about his/her/it’s Soul.
like, if you listen to something kak… The Queen will have her reservations about you.
it’s not judging.
it’s common sense.
Chillwayvez is Part of The Universal Form – like, you either flow with It, or you keep on making a racket to your own beat.
the latter is Not Cool.

anway, so, @SVRPRWN also “gets” the Zombie Apocalypse, “Chillin’ Hard W/ Gurl Broz/Broz”, MJ, Gagz, &&& That Human Life Ain’t That Serious.

thus, The Queen has come to the conclusion that @SVRPRWN ought to be made Honorary Hermz in Queendom.
it’s an Exclusive Position & One Of A Kind as there can only be one.
it’s sort of like a Jester but only Kewler & not derogatory at all.
basically, this Position is meant for someone funny & @SVRPRWN is HELLA FUNNY, YALLZ!

for those of you who are STILL In The Dark about this Phenoma…
sigh…
let Queen Mama explain:
it’s an act, a persona.
it’s like Lady Gaga & Die Antwoord & Jack Parow.
for those of you who think those three performers are being serious… um…
whatever.
the point is!
have fun conversing with @SVRPRWN & play along!
act completely serious because hermz’ is totals serious.
as serious as not being serious.

that is all.
follow @SVRPRWN for a UNIQUE Twitter Experience.

The Tale of Myspace [via Old Skool]

Queen Lizdom has been on the webbernet for as long as she can remember.
let’s say 14 for good measure.
it all started with vampirefreaks.com – Queendom was going through a Gothic Phase.
it lasted for a year until Queen Lizdom suddenly realised, one night at Zeplin’s where a mile-high Goth Girl with Fuckin’ Amazeballs Hair [Maxi, if i do recall correctly] tried to kiss her, that she, in fact was not a Goth at all.

Queen Lizdom very quickly forgot all about vampirefreaks.com because the next Phase of Social Networking had already started latching onto The Outcasts.
myspace.com

anyone & everyone who was apart of This Phase will agree with The Queen:
myspace was the gateway to a lot of FREAKIN’ AWESOME!
this is where Queendom founded its base.

Queen Lizdom was known by various Screen Names:
Liz of the Urth, Liz of Boosh, That Bitch, Liz, etc.
those were the most memorable – you may recall, you may not.
myspace also birthed The Queen’s VERY first username – lizlovescheese.
YES.
it’s dubbelsinnig.
dink daaroor.

Queen Lizdom remembers crushing on every single Scene Boy With THAT Hair.
holy fuck.
also, i found boys kissing boys [in the scene sense] extremely turn-on-ish.
it was a trend & i fuckin’ loved it.

who remembers that GIF? yes, THAT one?
SO HOT.

aaanyway!

Liz of the Urth dated a boy who lived in London for 6 months but because we never saw each other, we cut it short.
The Queen also dated a skater boy from Durban for another 6 months – we spoke on the phone, every day, for an hour.
it was beautiful but it didn’t work out, also, because of Distance Reasons.

The Queen THEN met PJ Kotze… i can’t remember his screen name at the time…
anyway, PJ was from a band called the Havoc Vultures & I fuckin’ DUG this band.
on a Hangout Occasion at Kung Fu Kitchen [see, all Adventures DO start with Chinese Nummies!] i first laid eyes on The Man That Would Father My Child & Current BF For Life.
KOOS.
i found him very odd, initially.
he kept stacking the little bowls onto each other & balanced chopsticks on top of it.
after Chinese Nummies we headed to The Havoc Nest – you HAVE to remember this!
Havoc Nest Parties were THE FUCKIN’ SHIT!
everyone got mad drunk/high & partied the eff out of that little meenthuisie!
i passed out in KOOS’ bed, on purpose, a couple of times but he was completely oblivious to my Advances.
i was on the verge of giving up WHEN our Mutual Dislike for FotoNaDans lead us to kiss.
it was beautiful.

this Myspace Era also introduced me to a couple of other Darlings who i only got to know once this Era passed:
spinelli venter [@nannaventer], Funk-Punk Ben [@Ben_Rausch], Casioheart [@casioheart], Flikkerr, pietskiet, 6-sixty, Cheesepaste, Flash In The Pan, etc.

SO, right now i’m listening to Zolof & The Rock ‘n Roll Destroyer & reminiscing about Myspace Music.
this used to be the highlight of each School-Suckfested-Day – getting to The Castle & fucking out to whatever Gem i found that Day.
it was QUITE magical.
i discovered bands like Boards Of Canada <3, Tycho <3, Aphex Twin <3, Say Hi To Your Mom <3, Something Corporate, Locust Toybox, Tsunami Bomb, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Postal Service, Pinback, Head Automatica, I Am Ghost, Halifax, Great Churn, Deathstarts, Type O Negative & a fuckload more.

it was like Wonderland on Acid.
YES.

BUT, here i am, this eve, tweeting the shit out of twitter.
twitter is the new myspace & although it is PERFECT for this day & age The Queen must admit… she misses myspace.
a LOT.

i love you myspace – RIP, Rockin’ From 2004 – 2007.

The Tale of The Milkshake Man

it’s the Day of Sx2 – everyone in Queendom is having a well-deserved rest after a yumcious Royal Banquet.
Queen Lizdom is situated in the Tower Of Dreams – her favourite & best location to have a chill.
the soundtrack to this Moment is a Mixed CD i made in 2005 & i won’t lie…
i’m about to weep.

every Euphorian has a Mixed CD that he/she WILL NOT PART WITH.
this is mine.
every single song gives me that feeling where your heart feels like it’s about to burst & you feel like you want to cry but also run full speed down a tar path in the crushing rain.
…
Musical Orgasm.

Something Corporate.

aaanyway!

it’s past the time of Tea&Cake but Queen Lizdom didn’t want to discuss this matter with Euphorians.
she wanted to tell the TALE.
“there’s a big difference between telling a story & having a debate.” – Queen Lizdom.
don’t laugh.
ponder that quote for a moment.
kay, move on.

The Milkshake Man.

this Euphorian used to NOT be a Milkshake Man.
before Tragedy Struck he used to be a strapping young lad with much promise of Benefit.
he was young, very handsome & hella funny.
he also HATED milkshakes.

Queendom’s Drink Of Choice is milkshakes.
SO, Mada Rehgallag, the Identity of the Euphorian, wasn’t very much liked despite his pleasant demeanour otherwise.
you see, Euphorians aren’t unreasonable & won’t condemn another just because they differ in taste.
Mada Rehgallag used to display Tendencies of Psychosis – he’d be his usual, pretty awesome self but he’d snap when smelled, felt, tasted or heard a milkshake [yes, in Queendom you can HEAR milkshakes].
he’d fill your Transportation Device to the brim with milkshake or he’d replace your Toothpaste with the Substance.
he’d put it in your mouth while you’re sleeping or he’d put some in your underwear.

THE POINT IS, Mada Rehgallag was fuckin’ weird when it came to milkshakes.

SO, Once Upon A Time the Euphorians of Queendom decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Mada Rehgallag ought to be punished & SEVERELY.
that evening, when the moon was a deep yellow colour, Euphorians set up a a midnight forest meeting between him & a Beautiful Girl.
there was no Girl.

Rehgallag was met by 10 Euphorians & a shitload of milkshakes…

no one really knows what happened on That Fateful Night but one thing is for sure… Rehgallag was never the same.
he is now a 6 foot Milkshake with Milkshake Legs & Milkshake Arms.
& he LOVES milkshakes.
it’s all a bit eerie, if you ask Queen Lizdom.

because Mada Rehgallag no longer responds to anything regarding his previous Euphorian Life, Queen Lizdom saw fit to give him the task of Milkshake Provision.
this turned out to be the most fantastical position for the Milkshake Man as he is also obsessed with the number 10 000 000.
another remnant of That Fateful Evening.
we don’t question it.
luckily that’s exactly the number of Euphorians currently living in the Queendom Castle.
yes, Queendom Castle is FUCKIN’ HUGEASS.

so, that’s that.
The Milkshake Man is whack & so are we.
we love his milkshakes & he loves us for it.
he’s a bit like vegetable now but we adore him anyway.

The Matter of le Crush 100, teeheehee

hahaha!
excuse me, while i am writing this i, Queen of Lizdom, Queen of Queendom am watching Beauty & the Beast.
the part where there’s a singalong to celebrate Gaston’s manliness?
it’s TOO funny – like, the little guy sings something in admiration of Gaston’s testosterone-ness & just gets punched in the flippen face by Gaston instead.
it’s hiiighlarious.

BACK to Matters!

Te Matter of Le Crush 100.

Euphorians across Queendom have been confronted in some or other-wise way by a site that lists the 100 bestest/hottest/cutest/blahdeeblah SA Etertainment Boys.
This List is posted by a Euphorian who chooses to remain Anonymous.
this, Queen Lizdom finds quite amusing – this woman has achieved cult-like status by NOT proclaiming an identity but by being this Unmistakable Anonymous Female Online Presence judging hardcore who she thinks is worthy of a “fuck yeah”.
very cool move.

that’s all it is.
the stalker angle is very cunning, indeed.
like, i bet you all that she’s just a girl, like you or me or someone who is not a girl or something else.
she’s causing a stir – like @roxymaritz2 said – “she probably wants this reaction anyway.”
& by giving her what she wants – hype – we, in turn, create another Advertising Mechanism.

Le Crush 100 has achieved cult-like status.
that much cannot be denied, says the Court of The Queen.
Queen Lizdom has noted that it’s all the buzz amongst Euphorians In The Biz; so, #trendingtopic-wise it’s, like, almost at the top… SA materially-wise.
are you still with me?
re-read if that bit was confusing.

KAY! so!

say you are in the SA Entertainment Industry - & you’re a boy.
a talented boy, good-looking & just a dude.
THEN it is your goal, your mission in this part of your humanly existence [note; lower case] to pursue being PUT ON THAT LIST.

do you know why?
because it’s being read – by at least a Couple of Euphorians.
note; UPPER CASE.
winkwink.

imagine the possibilities of This List for just a moment.
it’s quite phenomenal.
it’s The Infamous List of Rock ‘n Roll Hotties, SA-wise, Entertainment-wise.
like, the boys featured so far are pretty rock ‘n roll in whichever field they work in.
it’s the swagger.
Queen Lizdom actually approves of This List because it is very accurate in “Who’s Cool”.
laugh.
yes.
laugh.
it’s true – check it out.

THUS, boys of SA who are GOOD in their field [Queen Lizdom has no time for mediocrity], Queen Lizdom says to YOU – advertise yourself, fuck out, be a rockstar, proclaim your OWN FAME but don’t be a poes.
gasp
breathe.
it’s that simple.
are you hearing me? it’s that simple & that flippen AMAAAZING!

anyway.
Queen Lizdom gets side-tracked on GREAT scales.
but what I’m saying, Euphorians, is that Le Crush 100 isn’t a bad Event In Time.
QUITE the opposite, really – this girl is posting stuff, gooooood stuff about your boyfriend, your friend or just a boy you know from seeing him around.
it’s very good advertising if you really think about it in a Dirty Way.

like, isn’t Rock ‘n Roll about being sexy & just fuckin’ out?
it is, says Queen Lizdom.
so, this Groupie-Stalker-Band-Chick is just doing everyone a favour because, to be QUITE honest – this is the most “Fuck Yeah” Rock ‘n Roll Promotional Vehicle i’ve encountered since myspace days - & those days rocked.

Rock ‘n Roll, Sweet Ladies & Dashing Boys, can apply to anything – it’s a Lifestyle.
it’s the way you freak out to a song, it’s the way you laugh yourself sick at something & it’s the way you just chill the eff out with everything & everyone.
&, most importantly, it’s the way you do the simple things.

in Conclusion,
Queen Lizdom is freaking out to Justice – Stress.
very Doom 95.

basically, use it, don’t use it.
Queen Lizdom thinks this is pretty good advice for SA Entertainment Boys.
figure out How To Get On The List Without Being A Poes.
Mission, complete – next step, Catapult into Even More Superstardom.

sigh.
the sigh of a very happy Queen.
Euphorians have so much potential.

The Adventure of The Party in the SKY

it started with some Chinese Nummies.
doesn’t most things?

now, in Queendom, the Euphorians are not just a collective race with little identity.
QUITE, the contrary; you see, because each Euphorian is delightfully different from another.
they have names, these Euphorians.

Euphorians are either known by their Twitter Username OR, alternatively, if said Euphorian does not care for Twitter, simply by first name & in all upper case.
i.e. KOOS.

KOOS was one of the Euphorians who accompanied Queen Lizdom on her adventure.
KOOS is a pretty valued Euphorian as he is romantically linked to Queen Lizdom.
another Euphorian, who we met for some Chinese Nummies, is known as @adoneandthesky.

do you see what happened there? everyone is equally important in Queendom, so, even though KOOS does not show an interest in Twitter, like Queen Lizdom [@wordsoflizdom] & @adoneandthesky, he gets elevated to the same platform via upper case lettering.
it’s simple.

SO, onwards!

bellies satisfied & brimming with excitement we made our way to adoneandthesky’s pad.
there Queen Lizdom dressed & @adoneandthesky helped her cut some holes into her tights.
it was going to be a super fantastical evening in Queendom…

we arrive to SKY.
@roxymaritz2 was the first to meet&greet Queen Lizdom by a splendid embrace & the words “liz! we’re partying in the sky tonight”.
these words were a superb intro to the festivities to follow.

Fast Forward!

we’re drunk & high.
on happiness, of course.
enter the DANCEFLOOR… it was time!

@HAEZER proceeded to reduce our bodies into Dancing Zombie Fashionistas.
there is no other way of describing it.
dancing isn’t about looking pretty.
in fact, it’s about forgetting who you are, body-wise, completely.

so there we were: spirit souls. DANCING under the stars, hiiigh in the SKY.

many Euphorians joined us in our Glorious Adventure:
@Henry_Boardman & a Dancing Partner displayed excellent dancing propensities by teaching Us all what “sex on the dancefloor” is all about.
it was rough. it was beautiful.

@iaminsert, @roxymaritz2, @Waldorph2000, BIANCA & @Japanesefoot were some of the awesome Dancing Partners @adoneandthesky & Queen Lizdom had the priviledge to Lose Their Brains with.

now, Music-wise.
@HAEZER owned it.
completely & everforevermore.
Queen Lizdom, Queen of Queendom was VERY displeased with the @Cyberpunkers.
for an international act they were pretty shitty.
the beats are monotonous, the “moments” predictable & their stage personas… um.
not impressed.
so, basically, @HAEZER killed @Cyberpunkers.
well done, Euphorian @HAEZER, says Queen Lizdom.

another highlight of the evening worth mentioning was meeting Euphorians off THE WEB.
“it’s just fantastic putting faces to tiny avatars.” – Queen Lizdom
Queen Lizdom met @belindametb, @iaminsert, @donmulto &&& @DaaiTheo, all in one night!
i was a very happy Queen.

ECSTATIC, our evening ended at a morning hour.
we satisfied our MUNCHIES & proceeded back to our Castle.

just before we undertook our #lalaland Mission we swallowed some Magical Anti-Hangover.
Queens will not suffer hangovers. EVER.
Queen Lizdom’s head hit her Cloud.
& she woke up the next morning… feeling super.