The Matter Of NOT Trying To Be Depressed

it’s dark outside.

it’s rainy & a strong wind is slithering between the castles in the mountains.
Queendom is bursting with electric anger & frustration.

you see, Queendom’s weather changes due to the Emotions of The Queen.
Queen’s fucked off.
at Material Life.

to give you a visual: a pen is being cut into paper, the force with which the writer writes [note; lowercase].

Queendom is a place in Liz’s Mind, a Euphorian who upgrades her soul in her mind.
basically, i’m building my Spiritual Abode.
this is the place where Liz feels safe & calm & in control.
many Earthlings often comment on my Spaced-Out-Ness.

well,

i’m in Queendom.
juuust figuring stuff out.

that’s the Occupation of The Queen.
she figures stuff out, or tries to, Day In & Day Out, Forever & a Day.
& whatever she figures out, she shares with Queendom.

EveryoneServesEveryone.
it's trial & error [note; lowercase].

SO,

it’s all gloomy & everyone seems to be unperturbed by this Sudden Mood falling over Queendom.
Liz’s Moods are literally like Shadows Falling Over Her Consciousness.
like, she can still kiiind of make out what’s going on, but not really so she just stumbles forth, acting irrationally.
it’s all very sad.

Queen is one of those Euphorians who tries to suck it up ‘cause she believes that “almal het hulle kak”.
this, however, is an Ineffective Way of Dealing With Emotions.
holding something in & brewing in its cess pool of shit is majorly unhealthy.

sooo, Queen’s been trying to Deal.
juuust Deal.

it didn’t work out.
Queen flipped out & acted all craaay.
some Euphorians who were in close proximity are still busy replacing windows & shiz because of hurricane gale force winds.

- is jy nog by? -

so, with The Depression Levels Peaking, Queendom was hit with The Proverbial Sack ‘o Shit.

…

bummer.
i was totally just recovering from my last bout of hate-fuelled sadness.
nice timing, Universe.
you rock so fucking hard.

anyway,
all’s starting to look peachy again.
Queen’s tryin’a get her Groove back.

today, while she was Exercising Her Butt Off [codename for: totally smashing my emotions with hard energy. [note: lower case]], she realised that the only way to be truly happy is to Not Give A Fuck About What Anyone Says/Thinks & to Use That Knowledge To Be Your Utmost Self.
she’s starting this business by wearing bright orange lipstick.
suck it, Man.

being depressed is like a fucking huge hellcat floating in your living room.
it gives you the heebie jeebies.

so, you need to fetch a broomstick & hit ‘em in the tummy tum.

daai scum.

The Tale of How Queendom Came About

so, y’all know that human film, Inception?
well, that’s pretty much how Queendom came about.

here’s the story, perk your ears;

there was this girl, Liz, who was a human in her then current Cosmic Situation.
she went by her day, as we do.
she ticked off her human achievements – get born, be chill for 7 years, start a grab towards knowledge but with no formulated plan, get confused…

BEWILDERED.

that’s right – Liz was confused as fuck & she didn’t know whichwhatway.

thoughts were thought.
& thoughts became more thoughts.

&… then…

thoughts turned into Dreams.

Liz started building a world in her Mind.

[the Mind is a Transcendental Tool]

Landscapes started shaping – rolling hills of green, littered with flowers, colourful as sin & tall trees creaking with ancient wisdom.

all of a sudden there were footpaths on which horse-driven coaches delivered their guests unto valleys containing waterfalls, caves, streams & ample Mythological Life.

the Inhabitants of Queendom hailed themselves Euphorians, for indeed!
it was true –
Queendom was a place of happiness, unending!

then, of course, there was the mystical, glorious & ever so majestic Castle.

the Castle is a sight to behold –
several pointed towers beam through pale clouds in a still grasp towards the sky,
windows, slim & tinted with a colour like wine, act like eyes, knowing.
the grounds are green & filled with jest & extravagant winged creatures flying by & by.
then, there’s a room, oh so luxurious, where a Queen spends her time overlooking a Paradise, glowing.

make no mistake – every Euphorian living & serving [Serving Others Ensures A Humble Life] in Queendom lives in blissful luxury.
so, thus, the Castle contains many many many a room for Euphorians to exist peacefully & without disturbance.
HOWEVER, should a Euphorian feel so inclined to NOT stay in the Castle, they are toootally welcome as well.
that’s why there are a whole couple of villages within The Woods of Queendom.
each village has a tribe leader kinda guy/girl & Queen trusts them to manage themselves without her worrying too much about them.

i mean, that’s exactly how Queendom WORKS.
everyone functions on the knowledge that every single Euphorian is capable of looking after themselves.
it’s only when people are incapable of looking after themselves that things fuck out.
like, say, don’t operate machinery when you’re intoxicated – it’s fairly obvious.
don’t do it.
&, in Queendom, the Euphorians GET that.

that’s one of the reasons coaches are employed – 1. not to die in a car crash & 2. because it’s much more scenic & chill taking a coach & ultimately, 3. because horses are pretty cool.

there are, however, always a couple of crapheads who have it in their will to contaminate Queendom.
these Ignorant Folk are always captured & promptly hauled away to a place called Ochre Crescent.

Ochre Crescent is a town built in the crater of The Comet That Nearly Fucked Queendom Sideways.
[i’m speaking in metaphors here, people – see if you can figure it out ;]]
so, yes, it’s pretty logical to build a place of complete & utter banishment IN the cause of a previous eff-up.
#seewhatididthere [via @belindametb]

Ignorant Folk are humans & lower lifeforms who are UNAWARE OF THEIR COSMIC SITUATION & CHOOSE TO ENGAGE IN ANIMALISTIC/DEMONIC ACTIVITIES.
that kinda shit won’t fly in Queendom, so, they get banished.

& Queen won’t bat an eyelid because, honestly, she’s doing her life right now – she really can’t worry her little noggin about folks doing retarded things.

so, ja, that’s how Queendom was found.
Liz touches back on earth as a human from time to time but she sends her regards as she’s perfectly content in Queendom with the Euphorians.

& she loves you & you & you.
x

The Tale of Myspace [via Old Skool]

Queen Lizdom has been on the webbernet for as long as she can remember.
let’s say 14 for good measure.
it all started with vampirefreaks.com – Queendom was going through a Gothic Phase.
it lasted for a year until Queen Lizdom suddenly realised, one night at Zeplin’s where a mile-high Goth Girl with Fuckin’ Amazeballs Hair [Maxi, if i do recall correctly] tried to kiss her, that she, in fact was not a Goth at all.

Queen Lizdom very quickly forgot all about vampirefreaks.com because the next Phase of Social Networking had already started latching onto The Outcasts.
myspace.com

anyone & everyone who was apart of This Phase will agree with The Queen:
myspace was the gateway to a lot of FREAKIN’ AWESOME!
this is where Queendom founded its base.

Queen Lizdom was known by various Screen Names:
Liz of the Urth, Liz of Boosh, That Bitch, Liz, etc.
those were the most memorable – you may recall, you may not.
myspace also birthed The Queen’s VERY first username – lizlovescheese.
YES.
it’s dubbelsinnig.
dink daaroor.

Queen Lizdom remembers crushing on every single Scene Boy With THAT Hair.
holy fuck.
also, i found boys kissing boys [in the scene sense] extremely turn-on-ish.
it was a trend & i fuckin’ loved it.

who remembers that GIF? yes, THAT one?
SO HOT.

aaanyway!

Liz of the Urth dated a boy who lived in London for 6 months but because we never saw each other, we cut it short.
The Queen also dated a skater boy from Durban for another 6 months – we spoke on the phone, every day, for an hour.
it was beautiful but it didn’t work out, also, because of Distance Reasons.

The Queen THEN met PJ Kotze… i can’t remember his screen name at the time…
anyway, PJ was from a band called the Havoc Vultures & I fuckin’ DUG this band.
on a Hangout Occasion at Kung Fu Kitchen [see, all Adventures DO start with Chinese Nummies!] i first laid eyes on The Man That Would Father My Child & Current BF For Life.
KOOS.
i found him very odd, initially.
he kept stacking the little bowls onto each other & balanced chopsticks on top of it.
after Chinese Nummies we headed to The Havoc Nest – you HAVE to remember this!
Havoc Nest Parties were THE FUCKIN’ SHIT!
everyone got mad drunk/high & partied the eff out of that little meenthuisie!
i passed out in KOOS’ bed, on purpose, a couple of times but he was completely oblivious to my Advances.
i was on the verge of giving up WHEN our Mutual Dislike for FotoNaDans lead us to kiss.
it was beautiful.

this Myspace Era also introduced me to a couple of other Darlings who i only got to know once this Era passed:
spinelli venter [@nannaventer], Funk-Punk Ben [@Ben_Rausch], Casioheart [@casioheart], Flikkerr, pietskiet, 6-sixty, Cheesepaste, Flash In The Pan, etc.

SO, right now i’m listening to Zolof & The Rock ‘n Roll Destroyer & reminiscing about Myspace Music.
this used to be the highlight of each School-Suckfested-Day – getting to The Castle & fucking out to whatever Gem i found that Day.
it was QUITE magical.
i discovered bands like Boards Of Canada <3, Tycho <3, Aphex Twin <3, Say Hi To Your Mom <3, Something Corporate, Locust Toybox, Tsunami Bomb, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Postal Service, Pinback, Head Automatica, I Am Ghost, Halifax, Great Churn, Deathstarts, Type O Negative & a fuckload more.

it was like Wonderland on Acid.
YES.

BUT, here i am, this eve, tweeting the shit out of twitter.
twitter is the new myspace & although it is PERFECT for this day & age The Queen must admit… she misses myspace.
a LOT.

i love you myspace – RIP, Rockin’ From 2004 – 2007.

The Tale of The Milkshake Man

it’s the Day of Sx2 – everyone in Queendom is having a well-deserved rest after a yumcious Royal Banquet.
Queen Lizdom is situated in the Tower Of Dreams – her favourite & best location to have a chill.
the soundtrack to this Moment is a Mixed CD i made in 2005 & i won’t lie…
i’m about to weep.

every Euphorian has a Mixed CD that he/she WILL NOT PART WITH.
this is mine.
every single song gives me that feeling where your heart feels like it’s about to burst & you feel like you want to cry but also run full speed down a tar path in the crushing rain.
…
Musical Orgasm.

Something Corporate.

aaanyway!

it’s past the time of Tea&Cake but Queen Lizdom didn’t want to discuss this matter with Euphorians.
she wanted to tell the TALE.
“there’s a big difference between telling a story & having a debate.” – Queen Lizdom.
don’t laugh.
ponder that quote for a moment.
kay, move on.

The Milkshake Man.

this Euphorian used to NOT be a Milkshake Man.
before Tragedy Struck he used to be a strapping young lad with much promise of Benefit.
he was young, very handsome & hella funny.
he also HATED milkshakes.

Queendom’s Drink Of Choice is milkshakes.
SO, Mada Rehgallag, the Identity of the Euphorian, wasn’t very much liked despite his pleasant demeanour otherwise.
you see, Euphorians aren’t unreasonable & won’t condemn another just because they differ in taste.
Mada Rehgallag used to display Tendencies of Psychosis – he’d be his usual, pretty awesome self but he’d snap when smelled, felt, tasted or heard a milkshake [yes, in Queendom you can HEAR milkshakes].
he’d fill your Transportation Device to the brim with milkshake or he’d replace your Toothpaste with the Substance.
he’d put it in your mouth while you’re sleeping or he’d put some in your underwear.

THE POINT IS, Mada Rehgallag was fuckin’ weird when it came to milkshakes.

SO, Once Upon A Time the Euphorians of Queendom decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Mada Rehgallag ought to be punished & SEVERELY.
that evening, when the moon was a deep yellow colour, Euphorians set up a a midnight forest meeting between him & a Beautiful Girl.
there was no Girl.

Rehgallag was met by 10 Euphorians & a shitload of milkshakes…

no one really knows what happened on That Fateful Night but one thing is for sure… Rehgallag was never the same.
he is now a 6 foot Milkshake with Milkshake Legs & Milkshake Arms.
& he LOVES milkshakes.
it’s all a bit eerie, if you ask Queen Lizdom.

because Mada Rehgallag no longer responds to anything regarding his previous Euphorian Life, Queen Lizdom saw fit to give him the task of Milkshake Provision.
this turned out to be the most fantastical position for the Milkshake Man as he is also obsessed with the number 10 000 000.
another remnant of That Fateful Evening.
we don’t question it.
luckily that’s exactly the number of Euphorians currently living in the Queendom Castle.
yes, Queendom Castle is FUCKIN’ HUGEASS.

so, that’s that.
The Milkshake Man is whack & so are we.
we love his milkshakes & he loves us for it.
he’s a bit like vegetable now but we adore him anyway.

The Adventure of The Party in the SKY

it started with some Chinese Nummies.
doesn’t most things?

now, in Queendom, the Euphorians are not just a collective race with little identity.
QUITE, the contrary; you see, because each Euphorian is delightfully different from another.
they have names, these Euphorians.

Euphorians are either known by their Twitter Username OR, alternatively, if said Euphorian does not care for Twitter, simply by first name & in all upper case.
i.e. KOOS.

KOOS was one of the Euphorians who accompanied Queen Lizdom on her adventure.
KOOS is a pretty valued Euphorian as he is romantically linked to Queen Lizdom.
another Euphorian, who we met for some Chinese Nummies, is known as @adoneandthesky.

do you see what happened there? everyone is equally important in Queendom, so, even though KOOS does not show an interest in Twitter, like Queen Lizdom [@wordsoflizdom] & @adoneandthesky, he gets elevated to the same platform via upper case lettering.
it’s simple.

SO, onwards!

bellies satisfied & brimming with excitement we made our way to adoneandthesky’s pad.
there Queen Lizdom dressed & @adoneandthesky helped her cut some holes into her tights.
it was going to be a super fantastical evening in Queendom…

we arrive to SKY.
@roxymaritz2 was the first to meet&greet Queen Lizdom by a splendid embrace & the words “liz! we’re partying in the sky tonight”.
these words were a superb intro to the festivities to follow.

Fast Forward!

we’re drunk & high.
on happiness, of course.
enter the DANCEFLOOR… it was time!

@HAEZER proceeded to reduce our bodies into Dancing Zombie Fashionistas.
there is no other way of describing it.
dancing isn’t about looking pretty.
in fact, it’s about forgetting who you are, body-wise, completely.

so there we were: spirit souls. DANCING under the stars, hiiigh in the SKY.

many Euphorians joined us in our Glorious Adventure:
@Henry_Boardman & a Dancing Partner displayed excellent dancing propensities by teaching Us all what “sex on the dancefloor” is all about.
it was rough. it was beautiful.

@iaminsert, @roxymaritz2, @Waldorph2000, BIANCA & @Japanesefoot were some of the awesome Dancing Partners @adoneandthesky & Queen Lizdom had the priviledge to Lose Their Brains with.

now, Music-wise.
@HAEZER owned it.
completely & everforevermore.
Queen Lizdom, Queen of Queendom was VERY displeased with the @Cyberpunkers.
for an international act they were pretty shitty.
the beats are monotonous, the “moments” predictable & their stage personas… um.
not impressed.
so, basically, @HAEZER killed @Cyberpunkers.
well done, Euphorian @HAEZER, says Queen Lizdom.

another highlight of the evening worth mentioning was meeting Euphorians off THE WEB.
“it’s just fantastic putting faces to tiny avatars.” – Queen Lizdom
Queen Lizdom met @belindametb, @iaminsert, @donmulto &&& @DaaiTheo, all in one night!
i was a very happy Queen.

ECSTATIC, our evening ended at a morning hour.
we satisfied our MUNCHIES & proceeded back to our Castle.

just before we undertook our #lalaland Mission we swallowed some Magical Anti-Hangover.
Queens will not suffer hangovers. EVER.
Queen Lizdom’s head hit her Cloud.
& she woke up the next morning… feeling super.